Expats in Netherlands: feeling lonely

This blog is for expats in Netherlands. You will find 7 insightful and practical tips to connect to Dutch locals (and expats) on a deeper level and create a more fulfilling life.

1. Actually learn the language
2. Pick your Dutchie
3. Explore local communities
4. Take up a hobby
5. Make use of technology
6. Maintain a routine
7. Seek professional help

You’re not alone in feeling lonely

The experience of expats in Netherlands often comes with an unexpected companion: feeling lonely. While the Dutch are generally known for their direct, yet social nature and knowing that you’re not the only expat… you struggle to connect on a deeper level, which makes you feel isolated and lonely.

Even though loneliness is a taboo to many, lots of expats in Netherlands share the same feeling.

Therefore, start by acknowledging these feelings and realize that loneliness is a common experience for many other expats in Netherlands. Integrating into the Dutch culture, workplace and language can feel overwhelming and might not result in making deeper connections…

… yet!

Recognizing that you’re not the only one, is the first step toward overcoming loneliness.

1. Actually Learn the Language

Ask yourself: How easy and comfortable do the Dutch make it for me to stick to English? And to which extend does that help me integrate?

Just because most Dutch CAN speak English, doesn’t mean that’s the most beneficial for YOU (in the long run).

Actually learning the language can significantly improve your connections. Dutch people will adapt in English, but subconsciously it makes a huge difference. It shows that you put in effort. Wouldn’t you experience the same in your own country?

Don’t be scared to make mistakes. Did you know, some foreigners still barely speak any Dutch after having been in this country for 10-20 years?

Dutch speaking expats in Netherlands – even making mistakes - will more likely impress.

Besides seriously learning the language, realize how much you can make Dutchies laugh and flatter when you unexpectedly throw in a ‘helaas pindakaas’, ‘omafiets’ or a complete line such as ‘ik ben niet van suiker’.

Trust me, the (right) Dutchies find it funny 😉

I know work can already drain your energy, so: start small. Pick your moments. Build up from there. And be easy on yourself.

Learn Dutch 2.0? Say you don’t speak English. You will progress tremendously!

2. Pick your Dutchie

You might experience Dutch people aren’t that interested in being (long-term) friends with you.

The hard truth is: why would a Dutch local make international (new) friends, when they have a busy daily life and their own group of Dutch friends? Many don’t feel like it.

Which ultimately leaves you sticking to fellow expats in Netherlands.

To put things in perspective: I’ve personally experienced the above when I studied and worked in Belgium, Spain and Australia. The social animal in me didn’t result in feeling at home in these countries, as the locals also had their own life.

So: pick your Dutchie. Invest in the ones who’ve also been abroad alone and know what’s is like to start all over again and have no friends. They will show more compassion and form the bridge between you and further Dutch society.

5. Make Use of Technology

Although social media makes connecting so easy, our screens simultaneously are a cause of loneliness. Yet, you can make the best use of today’s digital age:

- Join Facebook groups for expats in Netherlands (specific cities). Ask in a post about Whatsapp groups too. These too exist and are used more frequently.
Besides meetups, you can (anonymously) express your feelings of loneliness. Trust me: there is always someone who’s experiencing the same and wanting to help you!
- Meetup or Internations (platforms for expats in Netherlands to connect and attend activities, language exchanges and cultural events)
- Dating apps (go on a date with a Dutch local and ask him/her to show you around. What I usually do (if I don’t feel like dating): I openly show in my dating profile that I’m new and that I’m looking for new friends.

6. Maintain a Routine

Besides longing for (deeper) connection, establish a healthy, daily routine. Regularly scheduled activities, such as going for a 30-minute walk provide structure and will make you feel happier.

I know, Dutch weather can be sh*t. Write down small, achievable goals that give your life more routine and pick the three most do-able.6. The 30-minute per day walk (rain or no rain) e.g. will increase your dopamine and endorphin levels, making you feel more relaxed and stable. This will add energy to your cup, and this will shine through socially.

So, grab that umbrella, set an alarm, and GO!