From Insecurity and Anxiety to Confidence and Joy!
Going out alone—whether to a club, a bar, or a festival—is something many people struggle with. You might feel eager to dance, drink, and meet new people, but something holds you back. The thought of stepping into a social setting alone can feel overwhelming.
I personally experienced this struggle and overcame it, when I started going out alone at 29 in the Netherlands, looking for new (single) friends to go out with.
Netherlands for expats: many that I’ve talked to, experience loneliness. You might wonder: How do I make friends here while going out alone? Will I fit in? Isn’t it strange? What if people will judge me?
These fears are completely normal. Socializing with locals and other expats can feel like an uphill battle, and the thought of going out alone might seem rather intimidating than exciting.
But here’s the thing: stepping out of your comfort zone can lead to some of the most rewarding experiences. This is no different in the Netherlands for expats. If you’ve been hesitating to go out solo but long for fun nights filled with music, connection, and adventure, this guide is for you!
Keep reading for practical tips to turn your fear into excitement and making new (local) friends!
Practical Tips in Netherlands for Expats:
Overcome the Fear of Going Out Alone
1. Energy and Presence Matter Most
How you carry yourself has a huge impact on the kind of experiences you attract. People are naturally drawn to those who exude positive energy and confidence. Think about it—would you approach someone who looks tense, closed-off, and anxious? Probably not. But someone who stands tall, smiles, and looks at ease? That’s someone you’d want to talk to.
🔹 Before you go: set an alarm for 10 min. Write down one word or sentence on a piece of paper, like: “confidence” or “I am worthy of friends”. Sit down. Close your eyes. Breathe deeply into your belly.
🔹 Once there: stand tall, roll your shoulders back, still take deep (belly) breaths, and relax your facial expression. Even if you don’t feel 100% confident yet, this honestly helps shift.
🔹 Wear something colorful! Even though Dutch people usually don’t. Think of the animal world 😉 it (subconsciously) attracts!
2. Have a Plan and Escape Route
Having a flexible but clear plan can help ease the nerves. Choose a place with a friendly atmosphere, music you like, and an open-minded crowd. Latin dance nights and themed parties are great starting points in the Netherlands for expats.
🔹 Set yourself a low bar and an initial goal: I’ll stay for at least 30 minutes and give myself permission to leave if I’m not feeling it. Chances might be, once you settle in, you’ll want to stay 30 minutes more!
Don’t expect to make no friends, don’t expect to make a ton of friends. Just see how you go!
More tips below that worked very well for me too!
3. Smalltalk – Breaking the Ice
You don’t have to dive headfirst into long and deep conversations with strangers. If you’re nervous, do a warmup:
🔹 Talk about the party to the cashier or bartender while ordering a drink, exchange a few words about the weather with someone in the bathroom line, or compliment someone’s outfit. Small social wins will build up confidence to talk at the actual party and make it easier to approach bigger conversations:
💬 “Hey, have you been here before? What’s the vibe like?”
💬 “I love this song! My Shazam isn’t working. Do you know what it’s called?”
💬 “I saw your awesome dance moves — any chance you can teach me a step or two?”
Most (Dutch) people are happy to have a little chat (maybe at a later hour). And that’s already a BIG win for you!
4. "So, Who Are You With?”
Honestly, in the Netherlands for expats: you don’t always need to tell the truth, when asked who you’re with.
When I told people at parties that I was alone, it left them either very impressed, telling me how brave I am. But I also bumped into people asking: ‘But… why!?’, lifting an eyebrow, projecting their own fears on me.
Tell people either the truth, or:
💬 “I’ve lost my friend, have you seen someone who looks like…?”
💬 “I just came back from the toilet, looking for my friends, no idea where they are…”
💬 “My friends left early and I decided to stay longer as I really, really want to party!”
Changes are, they’ll help you look for your “friends”, giving you time to chit-chat. And if you don’t find them, you might as well party a little with your new friends? 😉
This is literally how I did it and it worked very well for me.
5. Be Smart and Safe
Let’s be real: safety is a concern (especially for women) when going out alone, no matter the country. While the Netherlands for expats is generally safe:
🔹 Let one person know where you’re going.
🔹 Trust your instincts. If a situation feels off, don’t second-guess, and get out.
Time to Take the Leap!
Going out alone in the Netherlands for expats doesn’t have to be scary—it can be empowering and fun! Remember, stepping into discomfort often leads to the biggest growth and in this case: socializing and making new friends!
Now, I want to hear from you! Have you ever gone out alone? What was your experience like? Or do you still feel hesitant?
Let’s chat! I’d love to think along and help you take the next step with confidence.
While we’ll discuss social challenges in Netherlands for expats and how you can overcome them. Together, we’ll create a personalized strategy so that you can enjoy your time here to the fullest.
Living in the Netherlands for expats can be an incredible experience, and I'm here to support you on this journey!
Hi! I'm Carolien
And I'm a coach in the Netherlands for expats.
For expats who find themselves struggling with mental, emotional, social and cultural challenges, such as loneliness, missing a sense of community, cultural differences, overthinking, feeling stressed, misunderstood, anxious, or even depressed.
For expats who long for meaningful long-term connections, the best ways to integrate, finding (new) meaning or purpose in life.
With 7+ years of (certified) coaching experience and 4+ years of having been solo abroad myself (working, studying and solo traveling) I wholeheartedly want to help you in the Netherlands for expats.
Through 1-1 coaching and personal blogs I wholeheartedly want to help you go back to feeling deeply connected (again) with yourself and with the right people around you. Back to feeling confident, happy, and regaining balance and inner peace.
